Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential. - Will Cuppy

There has been lot of talk about “Cricket Etiquette” this week following the Oval fiasco. Frankly, I’ve become a bit too tired of reading all those opinion pieces. So tired that, I’ve tried to list down the different ways that a batsman could possibly react after getting out in an “Etiquette-Free” world.

• Walk as soon as the fielders appeal (the “Gilchrist” type)
• Walk as soon as the umpire raises his finger (How boring is that?)
• Stand your ground until the umpire rejects the appeal and then walk (much to the umpire’s embarrassment - You’ve to really hate the umpire to do that)
• Break the stumps with your bat and then trudge along (You wouldn’t do that if you love your bat)
• Throw your bat hard on the ground, then collect it without any remorse and then walk.. (What did the poor willow do?)
• Keep shaking your head repeatedly.. (don’t hurt your neck)
• Let all the fielders and the umpires know what you think of them and their families.. ( $%#@***%)
• Say, “I’ve had enough” and then drag the non-striker along with you (Sunny did it - why can’t you?)
• Thank the umpires and the opposing captain for giving you the opportunity to let you play at this level.. (Can’t get any “suckier” than that)
• Tell the non-striker that everyone has to leave at some point, that your time is up and that he could be the next to go (for the philosophical types)
• Run as fast as you can and dive across the boundary rope (you’ve to be really nuts to do this - but I ‘ve been told of an instance in club cricket where the batsman did this after being pissed at being given runout)
• Uproot the stumps, tell everyone that there is no game without you at the crease and walk away with the stumps. (Now how many of you haven’t done that as a kid?)
• Say, “thooch.. I wasn’t ready.. bowl again” (I still do it)

Feel free to add to the list..

Cross posted on Willow and Leather